Assalam alaikoum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh (:
First day of my last semester in University. Most people would be thrilled to be in my position but somehow I remain rather quite stoical, almost indifferent about being in this last lap. I had been feeling this way ever since I came back
Here’s the gist of why I’m feeling lousy- I was supposed to graduate last semester but as a result of many setbacks, I decided to drop a major entirely. Some of units were not completed thus explains why I’m doing another semester In addition to that, my closest friends had returned to their countries, leaving me all alone here :,(
A close friend who isn’t Muslim (yet, insha Allah!) told me a few days ago that she ‘believes everything happens for a reason so don’t despair‘. I thought to myself that, even for someone who has no faith in Allah holds on to this belief and yet here I was still regretting I didn’t try harder. I’ve slogged all these years, all those blood and bucketful of tears are still fresh in my memory.. but I trust that He has better plans for me just like how coming to this country was unexpected (but great things happened for me al-hamdulillah).. Qadarallahu ma sha’a fa’al.
My only only only one wish is that the reason why I’m here is so that I can draw closer to Him. My eemaan is in dire need of repair so I hope this is the time to patch things up. Each time when I feel at the peak of my eemaan, a musibah would occur and eemaan plunges down in split seconds. Maybe the time is given to me to contemplate on my life, the Deen etc.. Allahu Alam
Nonetheless, here I am saying hello to lonely and anti-social days ahead