Last lap!

Assalam alaikoum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh (:

Bismillah..

First day of my last semester in University. Most people would be thrilled to be in my position but somehow I remain rather quite stoical, almost indifferent about being in this last lap. I had been feeling this way ever since I came back :/

Here’s the gist of why I’m feeling lousy- I was supposed to graduate last semester but as a result of many setbacks, I decided to drop a major entirely. Some of units were not completed thus explains why I’m doing another semester :/ In addition to that, my closest friends had returned to their countries, leaving me all alone here  :,(

A close friend who isn’t Muslim (yet, insha Allah!) told me a few days ago that she ‘believes everything happens for a reason so don’t despair‘. I thought to myself that, even for  someone who has no faith in Allah holds on to this belief and yet here I was still regretting I didn’t try harder.  I’ve slogged all these years, all those blood and bucketful of tears are still fresh in my memory.. but I trust that He has better plans for me just like how coming to this country was unexpected (but great things happened for me al-hamdulillah).. Qadarallahu ma sha’a fa’al.

My only only only one wish is that the reason why I’m here is so that I can draw closer to Him. My eemaan is in dire need of repair so I hope this is the time to patch things up. Each time when I feel at the peak of my eemaan, a musibah would occur and eemaan plunges down in split seconds. Maybe the time is given to me to contemplate on my life, the Deen etc.. Allahu Alam

Nonetheless, here I am saying hello to lonely and anti-social days ahead :/

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