From Muslim to atheism and back to Islam

Assalam alaikoum wa Rahmatullaah wa Barakaatuh,

*Please keep me in your duas insha Allah. Finals is a couple of weeks away and somehow, that last lap is always the hardest. Has anyone here run long distances? It’s like you’re about to reach the finishing line and you can see it from a distance but your heart is rapidly pounding in your chest, your breathing becomes constricted and then your body is screaming at you to stop! The only reason why your legs are still moving, is because of that small voice in your head saying, “You can do it! yes you can!”. Currently, I’m physically and mentally exhausted but worse of all, that tiny voice is starting to fade away. I feel like I’m dragging myself to that finishing line and my body limp from years of overexertion (and come to think of it, I’m only doing my Bachelors, not even Masters subhan Allah). *

During this week’s halaqah session (Oh did I mention that a group of sisters started a weekly ilm circle this semester? It consists of sisters from different countries, background and age group so we have quite a varied response to a certain topic), our discussion revolved mainly around how there are some who grew up questioning God and faith. I shared with them about how at one point in my life, I questioned religion. To me, there was no doubt about the existence of a Supreme Being but I was fumbling with what is the right religion. I spent years wallowed in the darkness before Allah SWT guided me to the haqq al-hamdulillah.

Surprisingly, other sisters started opening up as to how they too, used to wonder about the existence of God and finally being fully convinced with this Deen. I thought I was alone in this struggle but my sisters and even Bro Nouman Ali Khan himself had such doubts subhan Allah. What I learnt from the above video and this week’s halaqah:

  • Truly, you take the Deen of your friends so watch who you befriend with. Bro Nouman Ali Khan described that his circle of friends were made up of atheists and polytheists and it was through them that he started doubting the existence of Allah. My circle of friends were mainly Christians  then who were like walking bibles. Their topic of conversation would be, “Jesus said…” or “the bible mentioned..”. It was only when in Australia that I began having Muslim friends and later started learning Islam from them.
  • I realized that many of us tend to shy away from questions about Islam. The mistake that some of us make is that when someone asks a sincere question (i.e. Does Allah really exist? Is Islam the correct religion), almost always the reply is, “Don’t ask such questions..! Just believe”. Of course, I’m directing this to mostly parents having to deal with curious children. We shrug it off by convincing ourselves that they are too young to understand anything, when in fact, foundation begins from those ages.
  • Another mistake is that, we are not willing to sit with those who have doubts about the religion. Rather than explaining and clearing those doubts,  instead, they are being shunned because of the possibility of becoming an ‘apostate’. If you do know of someone like this, then try to get even closer to them! Be their friend! What do you lose from teaching others about Allah?
  • Lastly, when you are unsure about certain things in Islam, then be proactive in your search for the answer. Ask your local Shaykh. Ask brother/sister who are knowledgeable about Islam. Read up more books about Islam. If the question relates to a particular ayaah in the Qur’an, then refer to the Tafseer and Asbabun Nuzul. Don’t let these seeds of doubts be planted in your heart because eventually, it will only grow to more doubts. Allahu Mustaan.
May Allah protect us from disbelief, whisperings and deceptions of the accursed Shaitan and the evil that is within ourselves. May He lift the veil from the eyes and hearts of those who cannot see the truth even when the truth is presented to him.

2 thoughts on “From Muslim to atheism and back to Islam

  1. Assalamualaikum,

    I think at any one time in our lives, including me myself had become an atheist, even though we did not declare it publicly. When we think that we achieve certain things in our lives because of our effort, because of our intelligence because of our idea. We actually denies Allah almighty existence and divine intervention in all of our achievements. May Allah protect all of us from denying His existence.

    • Wa alaik salam wa Rahmatullaah sis

      Actually most people I know, have said that at one point in their life, they were in such a situation questioning everything around them. But khayr, questioning makes one contemplate and when they do come to a realization, it strengthens their faith and conviction. And that’s true sis, we are blinded by the fact that it is Allah who makes everything possible and it’s not due to our intelligence or efforts.

      Aameen to your duas sis!

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