“Compromise after marriage..”

Assalam alaikoum wa Rahmatullaah wa Barakaatuh,

One good advice which I read online recently is that: Don’t compromise before marriage; Compromise after

I think this advice is quite important to take note of especially when you are looking to get married. You might already be sure of the things you want in a marriage but when you are going through ta’aruf, sometimes you might not realize that you are compromising too much at the expense of your own happiness.

Say for example, you enjoy attending dars at masjid; perhaps that is the best class to learn Aqeedah and at the same time, it’s a golden opportunity to bond with other sisters. But the prospective spouse prefers that you remain within the confines of your home to learn the Deen instead. Being ladies, I think we are a bit too soft sometimes and when we negotiate, we might end up agreeing to his requirements which are may not be parallel to yours. To some extent, some of us might even mould our expectations of marriage around his. I’m not suggesting that we become stubborn in our decisions and refuse to allow minor differences. Instead if you view something as important in the marriage (in this case, learning your Deen at masjid) you are looking for, then stay firm on it. Marriage should not be a one sided agreement – merely accepting his requirements and dismissing yours! The husband and wife should be complementary to one another; both sharing the same goals and aspirations rather than the goals of one person.

Allahu Alam

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