It has been almost two years since I left Australia and for most of my friends, they have already adapted to their new lifestyle. But for some reason, I still find myself struggling to move on. I’m in a different country physically but mentally and emotionally, I am stuck in Australia. There is probably never a day that goes by without thinking of being back with my closest friends who became like family to me.

I wrote about not being attached to the Dunya a few days ago.. and this was the first thought that came to my mind when I was reflecting on the story of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s). I’m the sort of person who selects her closest friends carefully. Only those who are within this circle have access to my deepest thoughts and fears, and have seen the ‘other side of me’. In return, I give them a piece of my heart – I think I am extremely loyal to these friends – and they can trust that I will always be there when they need me.

But you know what is the downside? I become too attached to them.. and that is my ultimate weakness. Being attached to people. Not only is it unhealthy to develop such close attachments to people, but ultimately, my attachment to Allah SWT weakens. I learnt the hard way that when your heart is filled with anything else other than Allah SWT, you will get hurt. And I got burnt real bad.

Back in Aust, I had a very close relationship with this sister. Since she is much older than me, she was my big sister there. I had someone to run to at the end of the day to confide my secrets and if needed, she would not shy away from advising me even when I didn’t like to hear it. I guess I spent so much time with her that when I had to move to a different country, I felt that instant loss. How could I not feel that way when my life practically revolved around her? All of a sudden, there was no safety net I could fall back on. Who was going to listen to my daily rant? Who will be there to set me straight when I needed it the most? Who will be there when I need help?

I left Aust all broken and frankly, quite depressed. I would wake up crying when I realised that she isn’t there. Reality hit me hard then. Our contact became very minimal because she was caught up with work and it was difficult to get hold of her. The sickening part is when I had to wait for reply because I would keep checking to see if I have any messages in my inbox. And that was enough to eat me up inside. I knew that if I needed to stop feeling that emptiness inside, I had to do my part to remove my attachments. I tried and al-Hamdulillah, I have stopped feeling so attached to her and people there. There are times, however, when I miss them terribly.

I think I am more careful with my interactions with people now. There were a few times where I let my emotions take control of me but now I remind myself of the past. The answer to my questions came later on after months of self-healing… that I confide only my secrets to Him and turn to Him for help. He will never leave us even for a second (but people have the tendency to walk away from you). Allah SWT loves when we talk to Him, and ask Him frequently so who else is better to talk to daily?

If you read this post right to the end, I’m sorry if you did not benefit anything from it. I just needed to write this to get it out of my chest. I also hope that it’ll be a reminder for all of you, as much as it is for myself.


Eid al-Adha


It’s Eid al-Adha here al-Hamdulillah.. After my maghrib salaah, I was just reflecting on why we celebrate Eid al-Adha and the story behind it. These are some of my brief thoughts about the story of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s).

There are many lessons that can be derived from the story of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s) and the sacrifice of his son, Prophet Ismail (a.s). We can learn about putting our full trust (tawakkul) in Allah SWT when Prophet Ismail (a.s), allowed his father to sacrifice him without questioning Allah SWT why even though it made no sense to him. That is something all of us need to be reminded of especially when tragedy strikes us when we least expect and not to question Allah’s decree.

Prophet Ibrahim (a.s) remains a prime example to us when he was patient in performing a command from Allah SWT. Imagine ourselves in a position of sacrificing something/someone that we love so dearly for a higher purpose! More than often, we are reminded to be patient when we are angry but being patient is not only limited to that. We can translate this into having patience in performing our obligations and especially in struggling with our nafs for the sake of Allah SWT. Do you know that Imaam Sufyan at-Thawri (rahimullah) only tasted the sweetness of night prayer after 20 years of unwavering sabr? Ya Rabb..

“For twenty years I waged Jihad against myself.  I struggled, all throughout to remain standing in prayer at night.  For those twenty years I never tasted the sweetness of the night prayer.  It was only after that that I found comfort and sweetness.”

There is perhaps another angle of this story which I look at: Attachment to this Dunya. It is surely without doubt that Prophet Ibrahim (a.s) loved his son dearly but his heart was clearly not attached to him. Had his heart been attached to this Dunya, Prophet Ibrahim (a.s) would not have carried out as he was commanded. He understood that Allah SWT was top priority in all aspects of his life, and it was more important than his own family. We tend to interpret ‘Dunya’ in the form of material wealth only but fail to understand that ‘Dunya’ encompasses everything – people, places, objects, moments etc. When we enslave ourselves in our attachments to people for example, we do not realise that that is actually Dunya too. Let’s strive towards freeing ourselves from worldly attachments and only have our hearts connected to Allah SWT.

Subhan’Allah.. So many lessons that Allah SWT is teaching us just from the story of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s).

Anyway, EID MUBARAK! Hope it was beneficial insha’Allah 🙂